Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
