Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
