Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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