I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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