We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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