Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
