I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
