I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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