Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
