is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have fence marks all over my body
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
