Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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