So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
