Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
