Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
