evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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