you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
