We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
