I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
