We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
