How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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