McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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