you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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