3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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