She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
