i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
