Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
