i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
