You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
