she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sorry about my life...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
