He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
