Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
