So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
