Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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