so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
