According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
