i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
