I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
