My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
