just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
