I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
