2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
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Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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