When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
