I'm laying in your front yard are you home
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
