please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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