i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
