you guys were way drunker than both of me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
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You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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