some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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