lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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