yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
