do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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