I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
