Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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