I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
