Just fell off a train. Bad.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dicks are not precious.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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