She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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