so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
