I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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