look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
