I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
