one might say we're banned from that church
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
