I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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