when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
