And the cops told us we were all naked.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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