I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
