did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
