Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
