These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
